It was a week yesterday since Dr. Ed Levine removed a 2 centimeter tumor from my chest. It was triple negative, ductal carcinoma, highly aggressive. Things have gone really well. I walked Tuesday morning in the vineyard and it felt very empowering, even though I only did six laps. I worked most of the day and by that night felt exhausted.
My spirit remains positive. I refuse to think anything other than thoughts about healing and being better than I was before this all started.
Today I spent several hours with an incredible oncologist – Dr. Gus Magrinat; a self-described obsessive compulsive radiologist – Dr. Bob Murray; and my very dear friend, conservative role-model, financial planner and angel – Jackie Wieland (she’s the total package).
Lots of news and information today; thankfully, Jackie took notes:
1. My cancer is stage 1. None of my lymph nodes held traces of cancer. The “margins” were clean. There are no signs it metastasized. According to Magrinat, I was unusual in that I had 6 sentinel lymph nodes. Most people only have 1 or 2. Those along with 4 regular nodes, that happened to be hanging around too close for separation, came out. Learn more about this practice: Sentinel Lymph Node Biopsy: What Breast Cancer Patients Need to Know
2. Chemotherapy will give me an 83 percent chance of not experiencing a reoccurrence of breast cancer versus a 70 percent chance without it. “Chemo is your friend,” Dr. Magrinat said.
I’m trying to believe that. I will start the process on September 6 and finish December 20 for a total of 6 treatments combined with as many immune system building shots here at Wesley Long in Greensboro. I have the option of joining a randomized NSABP study. These studies have done a lot to improve cancer treatment drugs. Should I do it or not?
Did you Know – Breast cancer spread to another part of the body is still breast cancer. If cancer forms on my knee, it means doctors will find cancerous breast tissue on the knee. So breast cancer does not become knee cancer if it spreads. I had no idea.
3. Dr. Murray broke the news that for my age and cancer type we gotta go the long route. That means 6 or more weeks of radiation 5 days a week.
So, it looks like this whole interruption will carry on till February, which is exactly what Dr. Levine predicted.
Only those who share my innate love/hate with time will empathize with the contortions my brain was doing around the amount of time this will take and how little work might get done for the next 6 months. I was mildly hyperventilating the whole time. I mean how can I justify taking up space on the planet if I mainly lie on a couch either sleeping or ingesting drugs via a “port”?
Near the end of the very detailed and amazingly layman-like short-course on breast cancer, Dr. Magrinat casually said, “you will never be the same again after this.”
It was the first time during all of these appointments and procedures that my eyes welled up publicly with tears. He quickly leaned forward speaking and indicating toward a box of Kleenex, “You’ll be completely healed. I mean spiritually and emotionally – you’ll never be the same.”
I knew what he meant already.
He went on to use this analogy: “It’s like I’m sending you to Iraq to be in combat. When your tour is over, you’ll have to reintegrate into civilian life, but you’ll be different.”
I’m already in Iraq. The Blackhawk dropped me off on June 20. My platoon is awesome. The Sergeants and Corporals are top notch; the best we have to offer. The General is, well the General. I’m still mostly in the way, trying not to screw this up; do my job and get back in one piece.
And, to add some spice to the mix over the weekend I, with help from many of you, decided to put Maggie into private school. She’s been on the waiting list at Caldwell Academy for two years. In April they assured me there was no way she’d ever get in due to demand.
About 3 weeks ago I got a call: “we have a spot; do you want to be considered?”
I authorized the “background check” for Maggie. On Thursday, that’s two-days after my surgery and three days prior to public school starting, I get a call: “Ms. Harper, we’re so sorry but the school will not respond to our fax, call or emails requesting her records. Her teachers have not responded either to our requests for the student evaluation form. If you want her to be considered for this slot, you’ll have to get the records here yourself by tomorrow.”
It’s a long story, but God parted my Red Sea on this without mistake. I sat down and made a list of all the barriers and reasons why this could not work in the 11th hour. I prayed: “God, I can’t deal with any confusion right now. If this is your will, make it abundantly clear.”
By Saturday night, all concerns were dealt with. Maggie is still pretty ticked off that I made an executive decision on her but she’s agreed to give it a shot with a good attitude – we have some differences of opinion regarding how long that shot should take.
I asked the other night on a scale of 1 – 10, with 1 being she wants to strangle me and 10 being she sees how much I love her and that this will turn out for her good – where she stood. “About a four, Mom,” she replied.
How do you tell an 11 year old that this opportunity is absolutely golden? I guess it’s a bit like telling the combat infantry soldier that if you’re going through hell keep going and on the other side of hell is healing; perhaps a new life of sorts.
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